Go Enjoy Your Toast

Carbohydrate phobia is now officially a new psychiatric disorder. No, I'm joking, but Hannah Devlin Science Correspondent of the London Times says that almost half of all women and men are scared to eat carbs, which are an essential part of a normal healthy diet.


Carbs do some very important things in our body which cannot easily be replicated by proteins and by fats.  Not being nutritionally trained, few people really know what carbohydrates really do. They are swayed by rogue messages from daft so-called health professionals.


And few people know how much carb they should be eating. It is about 250 grams per day, but what does that mean? Its actually a bowl of cereal, some fruits and vegetables, a bit of pasta, some lentils and beans and a few bits of toast. Who is measuring?  I don't.


If you drink alcohol, that's where the trouble creeps in since the carbs are dense and the body isn't quite so sure what to do with them.


I've written more about carbohydrate guilt in my website blog. Follow the link to http://eating-disorders.org.uk/carbohydrate-phobia-go-enjoy-your-toast/




And let me know what you think?  If you want to fight your carb phobia and get your life back, I will support you in your fight. Its a crazy world we live in and your carbohydrate phobia might keep you thin and it might not and it will certainly make you less happy.

What Hinders Eating Disorder Recovery

Following from an earlier post about what helps. There are also things that don't work for recovery.

Having a label pinned to your chest.

Too many therapists label you as anorexic or bulimic, or an addict. Having a diagnosis doesn’t fully describe who you are or how you got the problem. We don’t call depressed people “depressives”. The ED is an illness, but you are not the disorder. Discovering the pathway into your disorder and what is keeping you stuck is better than a label for aiding your recovery.


Trivilialising your symptoms and experience.

Some support systems are not supportive, with family members ignoring the eating disorder altogether or not taking it seriously as a difficult issue that needs attention. Some people call it stupid or vain. They might say “Don’t you know better, you are an intelligent girl.” Or they say you are not fat or thin enough to warrant concern.
Families and friends need to understand what an eating disorder is. They may think that if you just eat more, the problem will be fixed. One girl said that if her parents had come and said lets all talk about this, how you are feeling, what is our role in this, it would have been awesome.


Too much focus on food or on weight.

I’ve heard it said, it’s not about food, it’s about feelings. It is both of course. Your weight might be important, but it is not the only thing we have to attend to. Many people say that the scales are too powerful. So many people don’t feel good enough because they are not thin enough according to their value system. So feedback about their weight can be hurtful.

Focus on health trumps focus on weight for sufferers and no-one must make a big deal of small changes in weight. Emma Woolf, writing in the Times said that focus on weight is crazy. Half the population is given brownie points for losing weight, while people with anorexia are told that to gain is good. How is it helpful to have one rule for some and one rule for others? Therapists must pay attention to overall health and wellbeing. Weight is part of that of course because you cannot be healthy too thin or morbidly obese. Moving focus away from weight and weighing fosters self acceptance. You can learn to stop using the scales as a way to gauge if you are OK, or not.


Being secretive.

Some therapists listen to what you have to say without giving you any feedback. They take notes about your story without helping you to make sense of it. Talking on its own isn’t helpful. Practical skills are helpful, like teaching someone how to eat healthfully and, significantly, how to reconnect to their natural appetite. (how many therapists know how to do Appetite Sensitivity Training?)


Isolation hinders recovery.

But I’m not sure if being in a group with other people with an eating disorder is the best company. There are times to stop thinking and talking about eating disorders and get on with life. Relationships suffer as a result with eating disorders and repairing these relationships is one reason why people decide to try and get better. Helping people to make these repairs and especially helping someone to forgive themselves for all the wasted time and family disruptions must be major part of treatment.

It also helps if we can teach our clients to eat with other people, and socialize without having to put on acts with other people. Learning to be comfortable with other people breaks the wall of isolation that can keep someone trapped in an eating problem.

Being stereotyped and stigmatized.

Feeling ashamed puts up a barrier between the sufferer and other people and we know that poor connection makes the disorder even worse. If someone had cancer, people would have been there for them, but people think that an eating disorder is self inflicted. If other people can’t always be kind, start being compassionate toward yourself.
Make sure that everyone around you learns what an eating disorder is and why some people fall ill, not others. Carers and friends all need to have this information so that they can be a source of help.


The wrong treatment.

While some people get good treatment, others get treatment from judgmental professionals who do not know how to work effectively with eating disorders. Being patronized and criticized destroys your confidence that therapy can work. Providers can inadvertently look down on someone who is struggling with food, and even make threats or hurtful comments rather than trying to understand. Working shoulder to shoulder together rather than face to face is how providers should behave.
Therapists who don’t even talk about food (it’s about feelings, not food) aren’t helpful. Patients express appreciation for learning how to start eating safe foods, and how to listen to their bodies for hunger cues. Getting in touch with hunger and satiety in recovery is important, as well as learning how to eat in front of other people, changing eating rules, and learning how to cook.

It’s really sad that very few people know what good treatment really is, they just have to take what they can get. If a sufferer is difficult, angry and combative, this is the disorder speaking. Good therapists should be able to work around this.

Eating Disorder Recovery - What Helps

This is how it is from the view of sufferers

Its not just about being a good therapist. Or having the right tools.  We must realise how scary change can be. We must know what isnt helpful - that's the subject of my next blog!

The client is the expert, not us, as Emma Woolf showed us in her memoire of recovery, “An Apple A Day”. But, the client still needs us by their side as what… A therapist? A mentor? A guru? They need our wisdom alongside their own. They need our sense of humour and basic optimism. They dont necessarily need our University Degrees. They certainly dont need "what worked for us".

This is what they tell us aids their recovery; in no order of importance

Reconnection: – but not, I think the pro anorexia, community. People way that doing things like YOGA JOURNALING and SPIRITUALITY helps them to reconnect to themselves. Therapists take note!

Close relationships: Knowing that your family and friends really care about you and you are in reach.

Statements of support: "I know you're trying"  “I’m there for you” – what other statements are useful and what are not.? If someone says “You are looking better these days” it can send your client into a spiral of worry.

Empathetic Friends: Its useful if your friends know what they can and can't do and say.

Compassion: Eating disorders are such hard work.Compassion must flow from us to them and they need to learn to be compassionate for themselves whatever they are doing.

Therapy: it’s good to know that therapy helps as well, but looking forward is more important than looking back. Beware of therapists who don't know anything about nutrition, or the link between food and mood. But beware of therapists who focus on food instead of your general wellbeing.

Learning HOW to eat healthfully: Now there's a big chunk. There are so many food rules inside eating disorders, like being scared of carbs and counting all your calories. Wisdom, education, experimenting and reconnecting to natural cycles of hunger and satiety must be given by an expert not just someone who wants you to start eating more (or less).

This was in The Journal of Treatment And Prevention:  May-June 2012

The NCFED website tries to provide this help to people with eating problems. If there is anything that we can do or write to help people on their recovery journey, let us know. A quick email to admin@ncfed.com will always guarantee a personal reply from the Founder, Deanne

Bulimia Suicide: Is Fashion To Blame?

A 14 year old doctor’s daughter has hanged herself. She has been suffering from bulimia resulting apparently from fat teasing at school. The coroner blames the fashion industry. He suggests that 30 years ago young women were not exposed to as many thin images as they will find now everywhere they look – not just in magazines. He is right.

The death of a young woman on the threshold of her adult life is horrible. Equally horrible is living with the stress of bulimia. Equally awful is the pain of having so many emotions that are so unbearable and overwhelming that the only way out is to self destruct in this final way.

We don’t know the full story; her parents had taken her laptop away and this is information which we don’t yet understand.

We do live in a different world right now which crept up on us silently like cats paws. So many things - not just fashion magazines - make it hard to float above the waves. 40 years ago I could walk for 5 minutes down the High Street without seeing one fast food joint, not one single restaurant and not even a coffee shop. People only ate at home.

I could go shopping without having to choose between 30 different types of crisps or 40 varieties of yoghurt and we bought our chocolate in bars so small that they were gone in just two bites.

I didn’t have to worry about being left behind in case I missed an episode of East Enders, or stay awake at night in case my friends were talking about me on Facebook. There was very little fat teasing since very few people then were fat.

I didn’t have to worry in case I couldn’t get into skinny jeans and cropped tops because they simply weren’t cool back then. We didn’t have to be exposed or die.

We were able to have fun in our own way without being in the glare of social media for people to comment on and pass judgment on. We were able to have fun without the need for drugs or drink.

Life went by more slowly, so even unhappy people had time to digest their emotions and try to make sense of them without the help of this army of counsellors and psychotherapies and peddlars of happiness that we have today.

So the coroner wasn’t quite right to pour blame on the fashion industry. There have been too many changes making it hard for anyone to survive their teens intact.

But why didn’t this young girl get proper help from an eating disorder specialist? Perhaps I could have saved her life. This haunts me. If you know a 14 year old with bulimia call me NOW! 0845 838 2040.

Anger

Reproduced with permission by Sally Brampton; Expanded slightly by Deanne

Have you been really hurt by someone who should have known better? Do you have a client who has been emotionally abused and cannot move on? Do you know someone who wants revenge and retribution, and it is justified? Is there a person who is going to make you angry for the rest of your life and you are sick and tired of it?

Here are some thoughts.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets bunt”

“Resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

We know all that, which is why so many of us want to be rid of our anger but it keeps coming back and talking about it makes it even worse not better. It brings back all those old memories.

If we have bad feelings, we are often also guilty about our rage, and guilt leads to shame which in turn feed the anger and resentment. It is a never ending cycle. Grief sets in and becomes well rehearsed when we realize what we have lost. At one time or another we are all familiar with it.

Let’s begin with the guilt, which is often misplaced. You do not have to like the person who violated your values. You can even dislike them very much whoever they are, a parent even or someone who used to be your friend. What we do have to do is learn how to tolerate them in our head and be at peace with our own feelings. We cannot change people, all we can do is to learn how to change our response to them. It can be very hard.

Some people are emotionally flawed when we are engaged with them either through our choice or an accident of birth. Perhaps we have moved on while they have not. We might accept an apology but we will never get it and that hurts more than the behaviour we were subjected to which may have broken our heart at the time. Some people never grow up and accept what they have done. Perhaps this person has hurt someone close to you like your parent or your children and the person who feels the pain most of all is you.

The bottom line about such people is: they are what they are. We can call them names, they are cruel, mad, psychopathic or ill, the damage they can do is much the same whatever the explanation you foist on them to try and make yourself feel better, to reduce the confusion you face. It is normal to try and explain the confusion you feel about what you have suffered.

They are what they are, and repeatedly asking them for help or trying to remake a relationship with them on better terms is like banging you r head on a brick wall and all that will do is give you brain damage. You might as well shout at a tree and expect it to respond; it is not going to happen. If you can rid yourself of expectations, you rid yourself of disappointment and its bedfellow, resentment., one baby step at a time.

As for the rest of the time, if you have to continue with some sort of relationship with someone who gives you pain, you run the risk of experiencing continuous corrosive anger. How can you deal with this? No easy answer, try letting it go, dropping the hot coal and not swallowing its poison. Each time you clutch at the hot coal or ingest the poison you taint the relationships you have right now as well as the one you wish you didn’t have. Oh, this is easier said than done. It doesn’t mean that you accept the person and do not judge their actions. It might take all kinds of practice, such as taking a deep breath when the heat comes up and saying to yourself “I am really truly OK, I let the anger go for now.” It might be as simple as going to put on your favourite perfume or listening to music which makes you smile.

If we can let it be, rather than roll snowballs of anger and grief around in our memory stores, we can feel stronger and move toward a sense of peace.

There is a method of acceptance practiced by Buddhists that you might find helpful. It is called the art of loving kindness. This HAS to start with yourself; too many angry, grieving people take our their rage upon themselves, with drink, drugs, overeating, purging or self starvation. It is only when we find compassion for ourselves that we can extend it to others. We can forgive people one per cent at a time. Here is one of the many Buddhist sayings- repeat it daily or whenever anger raises its ugly head.

“May I be held in compassion. May my pain and sorrow be ceased. May I be at peace.”

It may feel awkward and foolish at first but after a while it becomes familiar. Once it feels natural, extend it to those you love. The final step is to extend it to the one you find difficult. It helps.

Read: The Art of Forgiveness, Loving Kindness and Peace. Jack Kornfield, Bantam Press.
Visit http://www.eating-disorders.org.uk/

The Death of Amy Winehouse

There is a great deal written about Amy Winehouse this week and I like many others have been drawn to listening to her music. We have had the typical musings about the waste and costs of drug addiction and the importance of rehab and other forms of treatment.

But did anyone ever consider that she may have suffered as a consequence of low weight.  I was struck by her early photos and she was clearly a very different size and shape in her teenage years - chubby even.

There is a very strong link between bulimia and addictions, in particular alcohol in both sexes. A lesser link, but one none the less, between anorexia and addiction. The presence of body image problems makes it harder for someone to recover from an addiction. When you stop using, you may gain weight or start feeling fat. This is partly because you start experiencing emotions in your body where emotions must be felt.

If you are bulimic or anorexic, the health risks of addiction are magnified. With poor nutrition, the heart can simply stop beating.

We have yet to discover more about her untimely death. But why haven't I seen any mention of an eating disorder yet? Perhaps?