I Wouldn't Eat With You

A while ago I wrote a blog about carer burdens and someone thought that I was on the side of the carers. I wrote about my joy in eating and the lovely thing about sharing food with others. She said to me "I wouldn't eat with you."

When I had an eating disorder I wouldn't have eaten with me either.  But now I don't have an eating disorder and I would love to hold out hope for recovery.

Writing about carer burdens does not mean I'm on anyone's side.  Everyone in the grip of the eating disorder world lives in pain and in fear. I am not on the side of the Anorexic Voice but I am on the side of the person It talks to even though he or she cannot hear me.

I am on the side of healing and change.  No one with an eating disorder is happy even if their eating disorder helps them to feel safe for now.

I saw two parents last weekend whose daughter is in the early ferocious grip of anorexia. She is cold, tired and fainting and her heart is failing and she insists that she really doesn't need help. She measures every single calorie she eats on her iPhone and she may be unable to complete her college education.

 There aren't enough buckets in the world to catch the tears of parents who watch their child going through this and who wish it would simply end NOW. So, I am on the side of healing for  parents and sufferers. Healing is possible and healing sometimes means confronting ones deepest fears.

The eating disorder won't ever leave of its own accord. There is  no other solution other than to fight it with the right kind of help. I can help one sufferer and one carer at a time, and will, as long as I have the strength.

Scoffing And Starving Kids

This week I was at a meeting chaired by Rod Liddle about Childhood Obesity. To prepare for this event Rod had written a rather devastating overview of the situation which is not just about Britain, even in the so called health Mediterranean culture children are putting on weight an alarming pace.

We will be spending more on obesity related illnesses than we are spending on education. Is the solution just to deal with fat stigma, as proposed by the Health At Every Size brigade?

Later during the week India Knight wrote about the emerging problem of two year old children who have been admitted to hospital for obesity. Now in some young children, there are physical problems which cause obesity and which can be treated. In most fat children there is nothing amiss other than their diet.

I've written more thoughts on my website blog - Id love to know what you think, and you can see it here. http://eating-disorders.org.uk/starving-and-scoffing-kids/

Diet Drug Kills Young Man

A young male just over his A-Levels, living not far from me, has died taking DNP, an industrial chemical popular with bodybuilders to help them to lose body fat. Easily available online, this drug has recently killed a young female medical student who had been battling bulimia with the help of a counsellor.

How sad is this. How much a statement of our times. We don't only have pornography online, we have eating pornography with the entire paraphernalia of diet drugs, diet systems, crazy wacky weight reduction plans and pro anorexia websites that are intruding into our lives our peace and our well being.

This is all designed to make other people rich, this death is just collateral damage. Someone is laughing all the way to the bank.

I have written more on our website about young men who hate their bodies, young women who would rather die than FEEL overweight, and people who say that nothing bad will happen to me.

Please read more on http://eating-disorders.org.uk/diet-drug-kills-young-man/


And I repeat what I said on my website. Parents, teachers, coaches and sufferers take note.

 Nothing and I mean NOTHING is more important than health or wellbeing. Not winning at sports, not being a good dancer or a pretty daughter or the thinnest person in the room. NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN LIVING A HEALTHY LIFE IN A REASONABLY HEALTHY BODY.

End of story.

How Times Change

EATING IN THE  UK IN THE FIFTIES

   Pasta had not been invented.

   Curry was a surname.

   A takeaway was a mathematical problem.

   A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.

   Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.

   All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not.

   A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.

   Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner.

   A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.

   Brown bread was something only poor people ate.

   Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking

   Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

   Coffee was Camp, and came in a bottle.

   Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

   Only Heinz made beans.

   Fish didn't have fingers in those days.

   Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.

   None of us had ever heard of yoghurt.

   Healthy food consisted of anything edible.

   People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.

   Indian restaurants were only found in  India .

   Cooking outside was called camping.

   Seaweed was not a recognised food.

   "Kebab" was not even a word never mind a food.

   Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.

   Prunes were medicinal.

   Surprisingly, muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed.

   P ineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.

   Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than petrol for it they would have become a laughing stock.

   The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the fifties .. was elbows!

and ......People didn't eat in public!

Do you want to add to this list?  Please let me know

Sharing Meals: Carers And Eating Disorders

I haven't been here for a while, sometimes you just have to think about other things, like walks in the woods, going to the sea with family and eating ice creams (Cornish of course) and rejoicing in having the best fish and chips in the world arguably at Rick Stein's takeaway at Padstow.

And how nice that we were all able to sit down as a family and enjoy.

I think that it's possibly the worst thing in the world is to be with someone who won't share in the meal because they are on some kind of strange diet or they are allergic to fish or because they are terrified of eating. I've done a family check and everyone finds it traumatic and distressing when there is someone who won't or can't eat with everyone else.

Why? We're all individuals. Perhaps we have a caveman gene which puts us on alert when someone in the tribe is not thriving or participating. I have no idea why sharing a meal with  loved ones and sharing enjoyment is so important. Last night, youngest daughter cooked for us and eating together was central to the fun.

People with eating disorders really don't know how much of a burden they put on other people. Much more than other mental health problems. Maybe because sharing food seems to important to social health.

People with eating disorders  under-estimate the impact on carers, siblings and friends of strained atmospheres, the overall burdens of being with them and  the worries carers have about the future. Loved ones  worry about the effects of bizarre eating  on the sufferer and the effects of parent's behaviour on their children.

People with eating issues under-estimate the effort it takes to pretend not to notice bizarre eating habits or to try not to make comments. They under-estimate the stress of trying to encourage someone who is struggling.

When we offer unwanted care or attention is being offered, the person with the eating issue is likely to get aggressive or convince themselves that we are the problem not them.  Then we have to cope with their anger  AS WELL AS the stress and worry of their disorder. The carer struggles to figure out how to communicate their feelings without unleashing a tsunami.

It's not YOUR business says the sufferer. It's my choice to eat what I please. And so it is. No-one wants to be forced to eat things they don't want or like. Yet there is a fine dividing line where we can see that eating has become a form of self harm, and we react to it.

Poor carers.  How can we bridge the gap to make sure that people with eating issues are at least sympathetic to the trauma of living with someone who cannot eat around  the campfire with us.

Men, Muscles & Masculinity A Guest Blog

Hilary Glover  (see footnote) has kindly provided the thoughts for this new bloggy.


Feeling like a "real man" is higher in men with muscle dysmorphia, popularly called ‘bigorexia’, than other gym users. On the other hand, male patients with anorexia nervosa had elevated association with feminine stereotypes, according to research in Biomed Central’s open access journal Journal of Eating Disorders.

Research over the last several decades shows that more and more men admit to being unhappy with their body image. This may show itself in either a desire to lose weight and become thinner, or to gain weight and become more muscular. This can become harmful when the person eats unhealthily or abuses steroids, or when the compulsion for exercise can override normal life resulting in loss of sleep, quality of life, and even in an inability to hold a normal job.

Previously it has been thought that sexual confusion was one of the main driving forces behind body dysmorphia in men. But this study suggests that how men view themselves is more important.

Researchers from the Australian National University and University of Sydney used a questionnaire designed to identify how the study participants viewed themselves in comparison to culturally accepted stereotypes of masculine thoughts and behaviors. The results showed that men with a high drive for muscularity (as in muscle dysmorphia) had a greater preference for traditional masculine roles, whereas men with a high desire for thinness (as in anorexia nervosa) displayed greater adherence to traditional feminine roles.

Dr Stuart Murray from the Redleaf Practice, who led this study, explained, “This does not mean that that the men with anorexia were any less masculine, nor that the men with muscle dysmorphia were less feminine than the control subjects we recruited. It is however an indication of the increasing pressures men are under to define their masculinity in the modern world.”

- ENDS -

Media Contact
Dr Hilary Glover
Scientific Press Officer, BioMed Central


Email: hilary.glover@biomedcentral.com

Notes

1. Masculinity and femininity in the divergence of male body image concerns
Stuart B Murray, Elizabeth Rieger, Lisa Karlov and Stephen W Touyz
Journal of Eating Disorders (in press)

Please name the journal in any story you write. If you are writing for the web, please link to the article. All articles are available free of charge, according to BioMed Central’s open access policy.

Article citation and URL available on request on the day of publication.

2. Journal of Eating Disorders is the first open access, peer-reviewed journal publishing leading research in the science and clinical practice of eating disorders. @JEatDisord

3. BioMed Central (http://www.biomedcentral.com/) is an STM (Science, Technology and Medicine) publisher which has pioneered the open access publishing model. All peer-reviewed research articles published by BioMed Central are made immediately and freely accessible online, and are licensed to allow redistribution and reuse. BioMed Central is part of Springer Science+Business Media, a leading global publisher in the STM sector. @BioMedCentral

Why Is This Eating Disorder Death Different From (Some) Other Deaths?

Georgia Willson Pemberton aged 26 dies as a result of taking Dulcolax laxatives to help achieve her anorexic longings to be thin and empty.

I am sad and frustrated about another needless loss of life. Who was egging her on; with whom was she competing, who was telling her that the only way to live was to be a princess on a pedestal?

Laxative abuse is a horrible way to die, these are dangerous - dangerous substances which ruin the liver and the gut, sometimes permanently. Deluded users think that they help weight loss. But they don't.  They change metabolism and make people gain weight easily, adding to their problems.  It's only the starving which goes alongside laxative abuse which keeps weight down.

Condolences to her parents and family.

I'm not surprised that she was a Head Girl. She probably left school "magna cum laude" (with great praise); the kind of girl who would appear to have it all.

What strikes me about this death is that,  here she was in 2013 with all the king's horses and all the king's men trying to put her back together again. Nothing that money can't buy. But they couldn't beat the demon anorexia -  not with all the money and all the new wonderful state-of-the-art eating disorder services out there.

This was not some poor family trying to get noticed by the national health services. This was a girl whose parents could buy the best there is.

So never mind all the chatter about "there isnt enough help for people with eating disorders".  The sad thing is that we could pour millions down into the black hole that is anorexia.  Even the best is not good enough to dent this serious mental illness.

But sometimes, someone can make a difference. What we can't always do is "bottle it".