A while ago I wrote a blog about carer burdens and someone thought that I was on the side of the carers. I wrote about my joy in eating and the lovely thing about sharing food with others. She said to me "I wouldn't eat with you."
When I had an eating disorder I wouldn't have eaten with me either. But now I don't have an eating disorder and I would love to hold out hope for recovery.
Writing about carer burdens does not mean I'm on anyone's side. Everyone in the grip of the eating disorder world lives in pain and in fear. I am not on the side of the Anorexic Voice but I am on the side of the person It talks to even though he or she cannot hear me.
I am on the side of healing and change. No one with an eating disorder is happy even if their eating disorder helps them to feel safe for now.
I saw two parents last weekend whose daughter is in the early ferocious grip of anorexia. She is cold, tired and fainting and her heart is failing and she insists that she really doesn't need help. She measures every single calorie she eats on her iPhone and she may be unable to complete her college education.
There aren't enough buckets in the world to catch the tears of parents who watch their child going through this and who wish it would simply end NOW. So, I am on the side of healing for parents and sufferers. Healing is possible and healing sometimes means confronting ones deepest fears.
The eating disorder won't ever leave of its own accord. There is no other solution other than to fight it with the right kind of help. I can help one sufferer and one carer at a time, and will, as long as I have the strength.